Seeing I've posted so much on the rough stuff, I feel its my duty to show you all one of the things that always brings me joy. Fairy tale's. Since I was a little girl, fairy tales have warmed the part of my heart where hopes and dreams live, and if you let them they can brighten up an especially rough day.
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Today's post is going to be short, but it's still really valid, or at least I think so, and today is on of those times when I really want your opinions. The bible advocates against moaning and complaining. Ephesians 4:29 (NIV) Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And so the thing I struggle with is when is it moaning and complaining and when is it not?
When I'm struggling with depression I HAVE to talk to someone, not want to HAVE to, if I don't my depression gets infinitely worse. Talking about my problems, well, I really don't think it can be categorized as wholesome talk, and I'm pretty certain when I'm talking about what's going wrong its not uplifting anyone. I searched online to see what the Bible says about 'Anxiety and Depression' my best result was HERE. If you've ever done a similar search what you will probably find is a lot of verses that tell you 'Do not be anxious', 'put your hope in God', 'be thankful in all things' and although this is good advice, when I am depressed it doesn't help. I can tell you right now, that just because I'm depressed, it doesn't mean I'm not thankful, because I am. I also don't suddenly stop trusting and placing my hope in God, so for me all these verses do is tell me I'm not good enough, that I'm not trusting enough, and its not true. Now that the fog of depression has lifted a bit I can see the value in those verses, I know they are not personal attacks, and yet while I'm in the deepest darkest part of it I can't see that. It isn't that I don't want to see it, it's that I can't, a bit like asking someone who only speaks English to read something written in Greek. For me depression disconnects my mind, and emotions from each other, and I have major issues seeing the truth for what it is. So what I want to know is what you do, or would do if/when this happens to you? Do you have something you do? Or do you just ride out he storm? God Bless Karla It feels like have these days a lot, all the time even, they feel positively never ending, and while I am in the middle of the storm of... I don't even know what to call this little slice of hell I just want the world to end, or to disappear into some deep dark hole where I can be left alone.
I am of course talking about depression, though I don't believe the word depression covers exactly how horrid I am feeling, so I am going to drag you into the suck fest that is me complaining, though I tend to think of it as me drowning and attempting to grab on to a, something, to keep me afloat. I was reading a devotion the other night from 'Proverbs 31 Ministries' about leaving a legacy of prayer (you can read it HERE) and surprise surprise it got me thinking.
If I were to die today, or tomorrow, or even sometime in the near future I want to leave my kids with something special, something only I can give them, something like my memories of them and my prayers for them, my hopes for their futures, and I'd like to suggest it as a thing you could write down for your little ones, some special things about them so they know how much they are loved by you. So on Sunday, when we all know my little family should have been at church my little family instead went down to memorial park and had a play and a train ride, we had an amazing day and I have to say I am thankful that Christ sacrificed himself so that I can live without fear of the future and knowing I can spend time with my family no matter what day it is.
So on Saturday my Mum, Dad, Brother and Gran (Mum's Mum) came all the way over from the Waikato to visit us for Easter (yay!) and since the rain was holding out for practically the first time this week we got up and ventured out into the big bright world.
Now I probably should start this blog with the typical Christ is risen Halleluiah chorus that is often shouted out at this time of year, but the fact is my heart isn't in it, it doesn't mean I don't believe, I do, but the truth is as far as personalities go I'm more like Thomas than like Peter, (I actually always feel sorry for Thomas, sometimes I wonder if he was just the only disciple with the courage to ask the questions everyone else was unwilling to admit was on their minds) I want to see, hear, ask, and experience for my self, and so I am going to talk about Thomas and asking questions.
I seem to be running a blank this week when it comes to Blog entries and so once again I was racking my brains for ideas and I thought I'd do a '30 things before I turn 30' list (I only have like 7 months to go and completing 30 things could be a big ask) only thing is I couldn't actually come up up with 30 things, so being me I asked God to tell me what I should write about and he gave me this.
Thirty things I've done before turning 30. I have such a habit of looking forward and planning for the future that I totally forget to look at the things I've already done. So here they go in no specific order; Matthew 6:34 (NIV) Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. I spent a lot of time this evening absolutely wracking my brain trying to figure out what to write for today, I considered Easter eggs, fish, hot crossed buns, sick kids, one of my favorite TV series, my complete lack of ability some days as a parent, and despite all of those ideas, which were completely useable, none of it was right, it just wasn't where my heart was at.
This Blog, my blog, the fun thing I was doing for me, to grow spiritually and as a person was becoming a worry, which is ridiculous because I really don't have to do it. No one holds a sword above my head and makes me write, it really is about fun and here I was panicking about the fact that I should probably write more Easter posts, but I only have a few days left so I'm running out of time to do that. I only tell you this because its a big part of who I am, I'm a worrier, my mother and grandmother are worriers and chances are my great grandmother was too. God has been working on the whole worrying thing in me for years, I know for a fact that some amazing people have prayed about this for me many times over the years, and chances are they still do. I have to say that thanks in large part to their prayers, combined with the work God has done in me, I don't worry as much, but it is still an arrow the devil likes to throw at me, because, well, I'm susceptible to it. |
Karla RoseI'm a Christian, a wife, and a mother of two living in the wonderful Waikato Archives
April 2021
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