As a romance author you’d think I’d be all over Valentine’s Day, and yet... Valentines just isn’t me and it isn’t my husband either. I genuinely appreciate the fun and excitement others get out of celebrating Valentines, and I love to see what everyone gets up to, but I personally don’t enjoy the pressure to perform that is associated with the day, or the price tag that is often attached to it.
If you look at the references attached to this blog you’ll see that I did have a look into the likely (though disputed) origins of Valentines, they are really interesting, and totally worth a look if you enjoy the history behind events. Anyway, for me the idea of Valentines boils down to one thing, expressing love for the people that you value in your life. Personally I think we should do our best to show love to the special people in our lives everyday, and that as grand as a grand gesture is, they are no substitute for healthy communication, regular authentic appreciation, and getting to know the love language of your person, then using it to build deeper connection. I have very few memories of Valentines. It wasn’t something that either of my parents practiced, which is unsurprising giving their Wedding Anniversary is in February too (they just celebrated 40 years) and so it was never really on my radar. Then in Intermediate (year 7 and 8 at school) the whole boyfriend/girlfriend concept changed, especially amongst my pairs. Suddenly it wasn’t just a relationship you said you had (though with the exception of a neighbour who was my ‘boyfriend’ when I was 4 or 5, I never really got caught up in that trend). Being in a romantic relationship suddenly came with convoluted rules and expectations, and on top of that I was not ‘cool’, or at least I wasn’t the type of cool that got you a boy/girlfriend, not at Intermediate and not at High School. From what I could tell I was seen as average, whether or not that was true is all in the eye of the beholder, looking back now I realise that I was so much more than I thought I was, but as far as I could tell I was neither good or bad for a tween/teen girl, I seemed to occupy the space between those two options effectively making me invisible to my preferred gender. Now that I’ve shared that interesting tangent I have to admit that in this time of my life when having a person, wanting a person, occasionally feeling lonely because I didn’t have a person, and wondering if maybe there was something wrong with me and that’s why I didn’t have a person, the girls running around excited about getting a soft toy or roses at school (yes even at intermediate) felt a little bit like they were rubbing my nose in it, that was (usually) not what they were doing (although some people a jerks so that was totally there intention) but that was how I felt and so Valentines very quickly lost it’s appeal. Side note, Valentines in New Zealand is not like it seems to be in America, at least not in my experience, kids at school aren’t giving or receiving multiple Valentines, it’s really not a massive part of the Kiwi culture so anyone receiving a Valentines over here is quite noticeable. Anyway, it’s very possible (if not likely) that part of the reason Valentines continues to be unappealing is that it’s never had particularly positive feelings attached to it for me, even now that I have a husband who loves me and I could celebrate it with him I’m just not interested. I do however love the idea of Galentines (I guess we could also call it Guylentines) I absolutely love an excuse to have fun with my friends and release my husband to do the same. Galentines feels like an opportunity to include everyone, catch up with friends, and can be a way to draw in those people who would otherwise be excluded on a day like Valentines. Now that I’ve purged all that Valentines angst and we all realise that I am SUPER unromantic for a romance author, I need to tell you that I would love to hear your thoughts and traditions around Valentines, guy/galentines, or even which of the love languages you lean towards (My primary love language is quality time - I’ve put the link for a quiz to find out your love language in the references). Meanwhile I’m off to find out the love languages of my big and little loves. Praying you experience connection as you navigate this Valentines season. God Bless Karla Rose References worth checking out: https://www.google.co.nz/amp/s/www.history.com/.amp/topics/valentines-day/history-of-valentines-day-2 https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/
0 Comments
Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
Leave a Reply. |
Karla RoseI'm a Christian, a wife, and a mother of two living in the wonderful Waikato Archives
April 2021
|